If you happened to be motoring through Central Missouri this past Saturday, you may have chanced upon the 21st Annual Olean Testicle Festival ($5 adults, free children 12 and younger). It promised to be a day of dancing and raffles and crafts, as well as the chance to “fill your plate with fried turkey testicles.”
My apologies for the lack of notice. The Olean festival didn’t get onto the Traveling Dad editorial calendar until the other day, when Missouri TravelingMom Becky Davenport was motoring through Central Missouri and passed a sign for the event, at which point she immediately got word of it to the Traveling Dad assignment desk.
Like many of you, I was unable to get to Olean for this year’s festival. Even if I’d scrambled, I likely wouldn’t have been able to fly there in time. Plus, there was a thing for my in-laws today that it would have been unwise to miss.
Of course those are just lame excuses thinly veiling the truth. Whether I had made it to Olean to sample their turkey testicles or if I happened to discover the delicacy in my grocer’s freezer (“New! Butterball Testicles!” the Sunday circular coupon might say) I don’t think I’d be able to pop a fried testicle into my mouth and pretend it was something else. That said, if Becky or any of the other Traveling Moms dared me to do it, saying “man up” or something, I might give in to the pressure.
But the question is, would you? If like me, you just don’t know yet, here are some other testicle festivals beyond Olean to consider while you’re mulling it over.
Remaining Testicle Festivals in 2014…
Live music, check. DJs spinning like there’s no tomorrow, check. Wet T-shirt contests, check. Okay, so this one may not be appropriate for the entire family, but if you want to partake in some World Championship Rocky Mountain Oyster Eating, Testy Festy, Montana’s 32nd Annual Testicle Festival ($17; July 30-Aug 3 in Clinton) might be the testicle festival for you.
And in case this comes up at your next cocktail party: As opposed to turkey testicles, Rocky Mountain oysters are bull or bison testicles, dipped in batter and deep fried to deliciousness. And since you’re in Big Sky country, the Rocky Mountain oysters might also be referred to as Montana tendergroins.
Information is scarce as of this writing, but Byron, Illinois should be gearing up for the 36th year of its popular turkey testicle festival in October 2014. Bands and beer ought to be on tap and if the idea of snacking on turkey testicles doesn’t freak you out, then the possibility of being pushed to the front of a room to do karaoke, assuming it’s offered this year, should no longer scare you.
Likewise, if past years are any guide, the Parkside Pub in Huntley will be holding its Turkey Testicle Festival ($10, adults 21 and older only) in November. According to marketing materials from past years, this is a “great night as you don’t have to bring a dish to pass or talk to relatives. If you have never tried a turkey testicle, this is your chance!”
Testicle Festivals That’ll Have to Wait Until 2015…
The 33rd Annual Oakdale Testical Festival ($65) is held in March and you can look forward to bull testicles cooked over coal. Here’s a bit of video on this one:
In Deerfield, look for a Testicle Festival hosted by American Legion Post 392 in March 2015.
If you’d rather not wait for a festival to try testicles, you can make your way to one of several eateries in Colorado, including Denver’s oldest restaurant, The Buckhorn Exchange. Not only are the Rocky Mountain Oysters (half order $8, whole order $12.50) a house specialty, but they even come with a horseradish dipping sauce, so really, what could be bad?
Photo Source: Flickr/rlevans